Answers every Retail worker wants to give


This is a great post and obviously comes from the heart. Many retail workers put up with a great deal from customers. However the interaction between store employee and customer cuts both ways.
Retail worker to me: “Can I help you?”
Me: “No, I have just been standing in this queue for the last 10 minutes purely for the good of my health”.
Particularly stupid store security guard to me: “Is that a guide dog?”
Me: “No, I am pretending to be blind and dress my dog up in his distinctive white harness purely for the fun of the thing”.
I have never, I hasten to add said these things, however stupidity does cut both ways.

Originally posted on Ally Bally's Blog:

Dumb Customer

Q: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

A: “No, I absolutely love this mass produced, sweat box uniform, so I just wear it for the crack.  Also, I love voluntarily getting on my knees in random stores and helping out obnoxious, rude people for free.”

Matrix Prices

Q: “How much is this?”

A: “Hmm, I don’t know.  Let me just consult my onboard computer and access my worldwide price App that I have built in.  I had no idea I looked like a walking price-list, I must talk to my plastic surgeon.”


Q: “Where are the toilets?”

A: “Well, if you follow the huge directional signs that this particular company has spent thousands of pounds on perfecting to ensure people like you can find them, it’ll take you right there.  I know, I know, its extremely silly of me to think that you could lift your head and look for yourself.”

stupid and rude


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Oft he sought the perfect rose,

Enjoyed the flower where it grows.

Soon he found the blooms did pall,,

His dalliances they turn to gall.

Still he after pleasure strove,

Clutched noisome blossoms to his nose.

Thorns they speared him through the heart,

Still his desire did not depart.

They found him lying on a bed cold,

In his hand a fading rose.



Take Me Home With You. For A Small Fee, Of Course.


Lucy Brazier, the author of “Secret Diary of Porter girl” has featured on Newauthoronline previously. Lucy’s writing is amusing and her blog (and now the book) are well worth reading. Kevin

Originally posted on Secret Diary Of PorterGirl:

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl is now available!


Available from all good retailers (and some bad ones too, no doubt), but this link here is as good as any to get your hands on a copy of the book.

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The Wolf And The Owl

The wise old owl scowled,

At the lone grey wolf who howled,

As she prowled,

Intent on deeds most foul,

Under the rising moon.

Said the owl, “Must you howl,

In a manner quite so foul?

You cause my head to ache,

Go and jump in yonder lake.

Said the wolf, “Make no mistake,

It is getting late,

The lake is freezing cold,

And I am not so bold”.

Is Blogging A Waste Of Time?

A post in which L. L. Barkat argues that it is time for writers to stop blogging, ( As an author with a blog and someone who blogs often, I don’t agree with Barkat’s perspective. Her views do, however deserve a hearing.

Barkat’s main argument is that most blogs receive comparatively few views so writers would be better spending their time (that not reserved for writing books) composing articles for sites with a big audience. Writing articles for big name sites will, in Barkat’s view gain more exposure for the writer than blogging via a personal blog.

I relish the connection my blog, provides between mmy followers and I. Such a connection can not exist where one writes exclusively for big name sites where there exists no direct link between the writer and their audience. There is, however no reason why a writer or any other blogger can not utilise their own personal site while also writing for websites with a following running into the hundreds of thousands (assuming one is lucky enough to be afforded the opportunity to contribute to such sites)! Barkat is correct that the writer needs to keep a watchful eye on their blogging to ensure it doesn’t eat up time which could be devoted to writing books.

I have no intention of ceasing my meanderings on this blog so don’t crack open the champagne just yet …!