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How best to promote one’s literary masterpiece, is an issue which exercises the mind of many an author, including my own. In the spirit of reaching out to my fellow authors I thought it was high time for me to set out my thoughts on this most important of topics. Below are some suggestions which will, I hope prove helpful to those who labour over smoking hot keyboards:
1. Climb Nelson’s column and recite passages, from your books with the aid of a loud hailer from that vantage point. You will, no doubt attract a crowd of curious onlookers together with a fair quantity of pigeon droppings for Trafalgar Square is a magnet to which our feathered friends flock. If it’s a nice sunny day you might also wish to don colourful swimming attire thereby further delighting the audience who will be listening, with rapt attention to your every word.
2. Hide behind the bookshelves in W. H. Smiths or some other purveyor of books and jump out on potential readers shouting at the top of your voice, “buy my book, buy my book” and if they are so ungracious as to refuse to avail themselves of your literary masterpiece, belabour them around the head with a copy of same.
3. Remove other authors books from the shelves in public libraries (for they are mere dross when compared to your scribblings) and replace their works wwith copies of your worthy tomes.
4. When talking to potential dates, regail them with chapter and verse as to why they should purchase your books. I find it helps to back them into a corner and (if at all possible) to ensure there is no easy means of exit. You may well not find the love of your life by employing such a stratagem. However your ex date will, very probably buy your book in order to effect his/her escape!
5. Send out automated tweets, every 5 seconds or so saying “please, please, please buy my book”. Your Twitter followers will be so impressed with your efforts they will show their appreciation by purchasing your book in droves or, just possibly deserting you in droves …!
6. If all else fails, repeat and repeat again!
K Morris - Poet 
Genius. I shall try all of these at once. Especially number one 🙂
Thanks Lucy! Do let me know when you climb Nelson’s Column and I will, with your permission join you there and we can perform a double act …! All the best. Kevin
Sounds like the perfect plan, Kevin! After that we can go for a pint. Not before, though – we might topple off the column if we are tipsy! All the best.
You are very wise about drinking after (rather than prior to) our performance! Having Trigger with us should, I hope scare those pesky pigeons away! See you in Trafalgar Square …!
See you and Trigger there!!
Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
A humorous look at book promo ideas 😄
Many thanks for reblogging Chris. I guess apes are adept at climbing Nelson’s Column so I may just see you there …!
My initials are on his hat 😄😄😄
I will take a look when I climb up there! Kevin
LOL
Love it!
Thank you, I’m delighted you enjoyed it! Best wishes. Kevin
Hahaha! Er, pass 😉
Oh, go on. I guarantee my suggestions work (particularly number 1) so do give them a go! Thanks for your comment. All the best. Kevin
I bet No.1 would work too, for someone who had the bottle to do it! 😀
I am seriously considering number 1, however its raining heavily in London at present so, on balance I think its best to wait for finer weather before attempting any column climbing …! On a serious point, it would, no doubt attract considerable attention! Thanks for your comment. Kevin
Reblogged this on The Owl Lady.
Many thanks for sharing. Kevin
If only it were THIS easy! 🙂 🙂
The most difficult part is, in my experience climbing Nelson’s Column. In this wet weather its so easy to slip off …! Thanks for your comment. Kevin
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