Category Archives: poems

My Friend, Who Is Extremely Brave

My friend, who is extremely brave
Spent the night on a murderer’s grave.
I am somewhat more circumspect
But have the greatest respect
For my friend who slept on that grave!


When An Owl

When an owl who’s name is Lou

Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,

A vicar named Ted

Jumped out of bed

And made her a pot of stew!



When a lady by the name of Lou

Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,

Her boyfriend John

Said, “you are so far gone.

I suggest you move to a zoo”!


There Was A Young Lady Called Natasha

There was a young lady called Natasha
Who purchased a potato masher.
But when the darned thing broke
She said, “what a joke,
I shall have to use my gnasher”!

My Morning

In line with my new year resolution to eat healthily, I popped into my local Wetherspoon, the Postal Order (, and enjoyed a healthy breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, Hash Browns, baked beans and tomatos. Well the tomato was fresh so can, I feel sure be classified as healthy …

Following my light snack, I popped into the barbbers to have my beard trimmed. As the good man wielded the cut throat razor, I pondered idly on Sweeny Todd ( Fortunately the establishment lacks blacked out windows and as I was shaved customers came and went, so I didn’t end up in Mr Todd’s cellar or in any pies – well this time at any rate …

On leaving the barbers, I visited Upper Norwood Library (, and enquired whether they would consider stocking my collection of poetry, “The Writer’s Pen and Other Poems”, ( On learning that I was a local author (I live some 15 minutes walk from the library), the helpful librarian said that they liked to support local authors and took a copy of my book which will, I hope soon appear on the library’s shelves.

I shall close now as I feel the need for a further walk, as my healthy breakfast is still, quite unaccountably weighing me down!